


Snap, Crackle, Pop

by blueoleandar93



Series: Some Assembly Required [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Daddy Morgan, F/M, Girltalk, M/M, Nesting!Reid, Snapchat, a case fic thats definitely not a case fic, and yeah it gets an e rating and this fic definitely earned it, i sorta just skipped around it, like i didnt even write the case, like its way too fluffy and gross they need to go somewhere with that, theres girltalk and im living, theyre very cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 17:36:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13171881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueoleandar93/pseuds/blueoleandar93
Summary: In the fifth installment of Some Assembly Required, Reid has an early morning case call while at Morgan's place. Morgan reacts in a way that surprises them both.





	Snap, Crackle, Pop

**Author's Note:**

> I made a playlist to go with this fic :) I listened to this stuff while writing it and they kind of steered the direction of this chapter and I recommend playing it in the background. It would be dope.
> 
>  
> 
> Daniel Caesar - ................................................................................................Neu Roses (Transgressor's Song)  
> H.E.R. - ............................................................................................................Losing  
> Anderson .Paak - .............................................................................................The Bird  
> SZA - ...............................................................................................................Sweet November  
> Hayley Kiyoko - ................................................................................................Sleepover  
> Kehlani - ..........................................................................................................Everything Is Yours  
> Travis Garland - ...............................................................................................An Education (B-Side)  
> 6LACK - ...........................................................................................................Glock Six (Bonus)  
> Brent Faiyaz - ...................................................................................................Invite Me  
> H.E.R. - .............................................................................................................Lights On  
> Sabrina Claudio - ..............................................................................................Unravel Me  
> Little Simz (feat. BiBi Bourelly) - ........................................................................Customz  
> D'Angelo- .........................................................................................................Really Love

Reid got the call at four o’clock in the morning. He’d been over Morgan’s at the time. The two were crashed out on the loveseat in Hank’s room. They’d fallen asleep trying to get Hank to sleep. That in itself was kind of paradoxical now that he thinks about it. A pile of children's books on their laps and Reid’s head on Morgan’s chest with an arm around his shoulder, Reid woke warm and confused, pulling his vibrating phone out of his pocket. The brightness lit up the room sharply as the flashing screen read Hotch’s phone number. Morgan shifted a bit below him as Reid slid his thumb across the green “answer” selection on his screen. The doctor pressed the phone to his ear, blinking hard behind his dry contact lenses as he yawned, “Reid.”

Hotch spoke firmly, “We need you at the briefing room. There’s an urgent matter. Wheels up in forty five.”

Reid nodded, whispering out in hopes of not waking his boys, “Got it. Be right there.”

Morgan straightened up under him as Reid hung up the phone. His hands tangled in Reid’s long curls as he breathed out quietly, “Hotch?” Reid lowered his head back onto Morgan’s shoulder and made a grumbling noise of complaint, wrapping his arms around Morgan’s waist and snuggling his face into his shoulder. Morgan started to chuckle, taking Reid’s phone and setting a vibrating alarm for five minutes, already knowing he had to give Reid a little time. He kissed Reid’s forehead and detangled himself from him. Ruffling his messy hair up for a moment before getting up. He tossed a blanket over Reid and ran his hand over the side of Hank’s crib, glancing in to check on the baby before leaving the room. 

Even though Reid and Morgan had fallen asleep around ten that night, they were exhausted. Reid needed those extra five minutes. Sure, it wasn’t much, but just a little more rest couldn’t hurt. He was about to put his brain to work in the field. Plus, if he’s being called at this time of night, it’s time sensitive. Morgan guessed kidnapping or something to do with explosives. They either have less than 24 hours to find a missing child or diffuse a bomb. Both of which require primo brain functioning. 

By the time Reid’s alarm went off again, he rose lazily, stretching hard before checking Hank’s crib and padding out of the nursery in his socks. Shower. He has to shower. And brush his teeth. Reid stumbled to the guest room’s bathroom. He brushed his teeth and hopped in the shower, cleaning up quietly and efficiently. When he walked out of the bathroom, one towel around his waist and the other on his head as he dried his hair, Reid noticed that there was an outfit on his bed. His white undershirt was laid out for him as were his purple oxford, grey slacks, black boxer briefs, two pairs of mismatched socks, his sneakers, and a striped tie. That wasn’t there when he got into the shower, was it? No. Reid doesn’t pick out his outfits. He just grabs some random stuff and hopes it doesn’t look too shitty. He makes a point of buying quality pieces when he ever finds himself shopping, and hopes that the professionalism of his clothing choice would keep him from having to work to hard at putting them together correctly. But, this isn’t something he would come up with. He usually pairs purple with black. And that striped tie with white or blue shirts. 

Reid started to smile. Aww. Morgan picked this out for him so that he could spend less time thinking about what to wear and get to the bull-pen as soon as possible. That was sweet of him. Reid shuffled over to his clothes, tugging them on as he smirked. Morgan understands how it is, getting that late night call. Reid’s head is usually everywhere when he gets it, and he wants to basically teleport from his bed to the office. This was something small, but it really helped. As Reid picked up his underwear, he found himself holding back a laugh at the thought of Morgan picking those out. He might have opened the underwear drawer by accident and decided, since he was in there to just grab a pair anyway. Or maybe he took his time in there. This is one of Reid’s nicer pairs. They’re tight, designer, the product of an impulse purchase at Macy’s. He saw them on a mannequin about a month ago and gazed up at them from the isle in wonder and for soome strange reason, he thought he’d look really good in them. Sexy, masculine, virile. Of course, when he put them on, the waistband pinched a little on the soft skin of his hips, making them look a little muffin-y. And there was a tad bit of room left over in the front, which he felt shitty about. But, on the bright side, they made his ass look  _ amazing _ . He has a mix of underwear types in his drawer, so Morgan really could have ended up with anything. But, these Ralph Lauren boxer trunks were the ones Morgan decided to go with. Hmm. 

Before he could think too much about it, Reid was completely dressed, bent over tying his shoes. He needs to focus. While Morgan was being super cool this morning, there was still a life in danger. He needed to do his brain push ups. First he started using his senses. Name five very small, easy to miss things in his room. There’s a loose black shirt button on the carpet beside the dresser. The curtains have a loose string at the bottom. The tip of a sock is sticking out of the top of the hamper. The bathroom door was cracked and he’d left a loose glob of toothpaste on the sink. A pillow on the bed was upside down. He continued doing that with things he could hear in the quiet of the house, stretching his ears to focus outside. Next things he could feel, different textures that would feel different under his fingertips. Things he could taste. Things he could smell. 

Coffee. He smelled coffee. 

Reid started to smile again. Instead of finishing his speed thinking exercises, Reid grabbed his satchel off of the dresser and tossed it around his shoulder, heading to the kitchen. Morgan stood at the stove in nothing but a pair of burgundy sweatpants and house mocassins. He was frying bacon. It smelled amazing. Reid’s sneakers tapped on the tile as he entered the room. Morgan glanced over to him, saying lightly, “Mornin’.” peppered with a yawn. 

“There’s coffee in the pot.” Morgan said quietly as he flipped the bacon onto a paper towel, drying them before heading to the fridge to get some milk.

Reid made his way to the coffee machine on the counter, rubbing Morgan’s shoulder reflexively as they passed each other, “Thank you.”

Morgan smiled, smacking the doctor’s small chest, “Don’t worry about it, Pretty Boy. All armored up and ready to save the world?”

“Yep. Thanks for picking out my outfit,  _ Mom _ .” Reid grabbed a mug from the cabinet above him, pouring the hot java and taking some sugar from the bottle in front of him. 

Morgan winked, “Well, thanks for having such an entertaining panty drawer.”

Reid quipped as he sugared his coffee, “Thanks for not stealing a pair.”

Morgan added with a laugh, “Thanks for assuming I didn’t.”

The two men moved in silence. Reid turned to get creamer from the fridge, and as he did, he noticed it on the counter beside his left hand already as Morgan placed the bacon in a little tupperware container. From the looks of it, Morgan made him eggs, bacon, and toast for him to take to work so that he doesn’t have to stop for fast food. Reid’s cheeks could hurt from blushing and smiling so hard at the same time. 

Morgan’s being really sweet this morning. Not that being sweet is out of character for him, but it’s so early and he usually doesn’t do this. Reid has full access to the kitchen and could make himself coffee and food, which he takes advantage of sometimes, but usually he ends up grabbing something on the way. Reid mentioned that last night. He’s usually running late when he leaves Morgan’s place because of how hard it is to say goodbye to Hank when he’s awake. Apparently Morgan heard that, and decided to take matters into his own gorgeous hands, which Reid is more than grateful for. But, he hopes that Morgan didn’t take that conversation as a cry for help. 

Always known for being a fitness nut, Morgan’s somehow found himself focusing less on his health with the baby, but he will  _ never  _ eat fast food. He’s just not that type of guy. Chinese take out, sure. Maybe the occasional pizza, but knowing that drive through meals are a major part of Reid’s diet must have awoken something in him. 

After Reid told Morgan he should talk to his therapist again, Morgan agreed and scheduled phone sessions with Maryanne twice a week. Ever since then, he’s started doing little things that he used to do, coming back to himself a little bit. Reid saw weights in his bedroom when he passed it last week and protein powder in the cabinets. Morgan’s switching out his energy drinks for supplements and shakes and smoothies, throwing more fruit and veggies into dinner. And, he’s taking his anxiety and depression pills. And, singing more. Quite horribly, but still. He’s getting a little better day by day, and it’s wonderful to watch Morgan re-learn how to take care of himself again.

Reid’s been helping him out with the baby for two months so far. They’ve started weaning Hank off of the milk and switching him to formula. Which is a good thing too, because Savannah hasn’t been bringing the milk that she pumps at work back home with her lately for whatever reason. 

Their little boy is growing. He’s four months old, and getting smarter every day. Hank’s speech is still slurred as it should be, but Reid swears to God that this kid can count. Morgan thinks Reid’s crazy, but Reid’s been doing little exercises with Hank’s blocks. Holding up his fingers to one and two and three, showing one block and two blocks and three blocks. Now, whenever Reid holds up two fingers, Hank pushes two blocks toward him and the same with three fingers and one finger. Morgan says it’s a coincidence. Reid is convinced they’ve got a savant on their hands and praises the boy for his early brain development. 

They work together effortlessly, and he gets constant updates about Hank on Snapchat, an app Morgan begged Reid to download on his phone. He puts fun little filters on Hank, secretly loving the flower crown on his son even though Savannah hates it. It brings out his huge baby eyes. Super cute.

As Reid had his cup of coffee, Morgan and he chatted. Morgan sipped the other half of a smoothie he left in the fridge from last night as they looked over the brief memo Garcia had emailed Reid fifteen minutes prior. There was a kidnapping in Akron, Ohio. Six-year-old girl. Their parents came home early from a night out to a phone call from their sobbing babysitter. The kid had been sleeping in her bed a half hour ago. The sitter went outside for a cigarette, and when she came back to check on the kid, she was gone. 

Morgan pulled five dollars out of his pajama pocket and said, “I bet you the nanny did it.”

Reid squinted at him, “Derek, we can’t just bet five dollars on a child’s safety like that. What’s wrong with you?”

Morgan sighed, shaking his head, “Sorry, sorry. You’re right.”

Reid reached into his wallet and pulled out a fifty, “The stakes are high. Let’s make this fuckin’ interesting. Fifty if the unsub is a biological mom that doesn’t have full custody of her kid. I noticed in the memo that the parents were out on their first wedding anniversary. The daughter is six.”

Morgan gasped, touching the base of his throat in surprise before doubling over with laughter, “I raise you. Seventy. Bio mom is in cahoots with the babysitter and they planned it.”

Reid cackled, “You might as well write me a check right now. Mom doesn’t trust the babysitter. Nine times out of ten, stepmom is in her twenties and dad cheated on mom with her which would lead her to have a bias against working with younger women.”

Morgan stared at Reid for a long moment with a fond smile on his face. When he finally spoke, he said gently, “I missed this.”

Reid nudged Morgan’s shoulder, finding himself blushing as well as he glanced at his watch to distract himself from the kindness in Morgan’s eyes, “Mind if we ask you for a bit of consulting on the case? Call you, maybe? Just for fresh eyes on it if we’re in a bind?”

“Feel free, Junior G-Man.” Morgan grinned, handing Reid the tupperware and a sweating thermos, “Protein, carbs, caffeine. And, a vitamin B tablet. To keep you sharp.”

Reid smiled coyly, accepting the breakfast and looking away from Morgan again, “Thanks for… everything this morning.”

Morgan smacked Reid’s shoulder, “I don’t want to hear about it. Just go to work and save that kid’s life. And when you find out that the babysitter did it, I accept cash, Visa, or Mastercard.”

“What about Discover?” Reid laughed all the way to the door. He laughed during their hug at the door too. He also laughed when Morgan gave him a kiss on his cheek, ruffling up his hair again. Morgan patted his face, “Man, fuck Discover. Get outta my sight. Gosh.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Reid said mirthfully as he opened the door and made his way out. He was halfway off of the porch when Morgan spoke up, “Hey, now. Walk a little bit slower. Give me something to work with while you’re gone.”

Reid turned and waved him off, noticing Morgan’s eyes lift from his ass back up to his face, “ _ Hey _ \-- I saw that.”

Morgan winked, “I wasn’t hiding it.”

Reid glared at Morgan, “Well-j-just don’t leer--at me--”

Morgan shrugged, tossing his hand out in that flamboyant way that he only does when he’s not paying attention to the way his body moves, “Hey, man. I moonlighted as a stylist this morning. It’s only natural to check the canvas before releasing art into the world.”

Reid sighed, “Derek--”

Morgan rolled his eyes, “Don’t ‘Derek’ me. Just go on to work. It’s important. Time is of the essence, just... “ Morgan gave Reid a long, unreadable look, his lip twitching as he bit the side of it to stop the quiver with a cool scoff, “Just… _ come back _ . Okay? Come back to Hank. And for the love of God, wear your vest.”

Reid rolled his eyes, “I will. I will. Gosh.”

Morgan pointed his finger, “Don’t make me get on a plane to Ohio just to slap you upside the head, boy. I’ll do it.”

 

\----------------

 

The briefing room was cold. Reid was one of the first ones there. Garcia was setting up the monitor and Hotch was in his office, emailing them updated memos. Reid heated up his breakfast in the microwave and sat at the oval shaped table, digging into his eggs with a plastic fork from the break room.

Garcia turned on the overhead system and synced her laptop to it, smirking over at Reid, “Hey, that’s Morgan’s thermos, isn’t it?”

Reid swallowed a bite of the eggs. Fuck, they were good. Pillowy and perfect. Seasoned and soft. Damn. There’s a bit of cheddar and cilantro in them too. He nodded, “I was over his place when I got the call.”

Garcia giggled, “And, how cute was he when he woke up?”

Reid scoffed, taking a sip of the iced coffee which had the perfect amount of sugar and creamer in it, “Cute? Ugh, come on, Penny. It’s too early.”

Garcia pushed her laptop to the side, leaned her elbow on the table and put her chin in her hand, looking at him over her pink glasses with a knowing look.

Reid set down the thermos, “He was so gorgeous that I worried I slept past my alarm and dreamt him. And he made me breakfast and this coffee.”

Garcia smirked, going back to her laptop and clicking away, “Yeah, I figured. You always come in here with a McGriddle or something. Never tupperware. Ooh, he probably cooked topless too. Yeesh. I miss that fine piece of chocolate every single day. I mean, you’re eye candy, yeah, but Derek is this level of hot that’s like… unreal. He Facetimed me yesterday.”

Reid took a bite of bacon, chasing it with more eggs, “Yeah?”

Garcia added, “Hank is so cute! Ugh, he’s the most adorable baby ever. His laugh literally sounds like sunshine. I gotta go over one of these days and squeeze him.”

Reid smiled around his fork, chewing, “Speaking of Hank, I’m teaching him to count. Derek thinks it’s too early, but the baby’s destroying it. Before we know it, he’ll be an honors student just like his dad.”

Garcia chuckled as she typed, “Which one? Derek or you?”

Reid scoffed and waved his fork around, “Derek, obviously. I’m not his dad.”

Garcia added, “Yeah, but Morgan wasn’t an honors student, you were.”

Reid replied, “But, he graduated Suma Cum Laude.”

Garcia answered, “Yeah, from Northwestern. University. He got Cs in high school. They don’t call it ‘honors student’ in college, it’s--”

Reid responded, “The Dean’s List, I know. But, he graduated with honors.”

Garcia argued, “That’s not the same as being an honors student.”

Reid sighed, “But, it’s close enough.”

Garcia sang in tune, “But, it’s not the same~”

“What are you getting at?” Reid made a noise of complaint as he bit into his toast. Oh, shit yeah. There’s butter and blackberry jam on it. And is this… yes. It’s sourdough bread.

Garcia shrugged with a smile, “That you’re making godfather moves on Derek’s kid. Have they announced who they’re going with yet?”

Reid answered, “No, but if they don’t chose me, I’ll have a very public breakdown on Snapchat and crash the baptism drunk as hell.”

Garcia started to laugh, grinning over at him, “You’re too much.”

“Or, am I just enough.” Reid took a bite of bacon as JJ walked into the room with her hair in a messy ponytail and a stack of files in her hands.

Garcia called out, “Hey, JJ. How’s Reid as a god-daddy?”

JJ replied distractedly, “Stellar. Why do you ask?”

Garcia asked, “He’s about to get another godson. Do you mind sharing him?”

JJ passed out folders on the desk as she yawned, “Nope. Oh, jeez. It’s so early.”

Reid reached out his thermos of iced coffee when she passed him a folder. She took the thermos and drank from it immediately without asking what it was, grimacing and handing it back to him. She coughed, “Way too much sugar. Jesus Christ.”

“But, it’s cane sugar, so it’s not as bad for you.” Reid replied.

JJ collapsed into the seat beside him, snagging a piece of bacon out of his tupperware, “You’re too smart to believe that’s true.”

Reid took another bite of his eggs as Garcia spoke up, “Honestly, Reid, Jay’s got a good point. I saw on this documentary that we’re all neurologically dependent on sugar at this point in our lives. Like we’re addicted to it or something.”

“I bet you’re right. Most of --” JJ bit into the bacon, “Whoa, fuck, this bacon is good. There’s no way in hell you made this.”

Reid raised his chin proudly, “Derek made me breakfast this morning.”

Garcia added, “Topless!”

JJ fanned herself with a folder as she chewed on the bacon, “Wow. Lucky duck. Was he wearing those basketball shorts he wore that one time I accidentally caught him off guard at the hotel breakfast buffet in Arkansas? Asking for a friend.”

Reid sighed as he bit his empty fork and stared into his tupperware container, “No, better. Sweatpants. And I sincerely doubt there were underwear involved.”

Garcia started giggling, “Oh, my God!”

Reid blinked, “I can’t keep going over there if he’s going to continue to pull this crap. I swear.”

JJ started to laugh, “He’s reaching peak  _ ‘ _ hot dad’. I just know it.”

Reid added, “And, this isn’t even his final form! He’s lifting again.”

JJ and Garcia started to scream, slapping their hands on the table and making rowdy comments and putting Reid in a state of tears and laughter.

Alvez and Lewis walked in together, gazing around the room in interest. Alvez took the seat on the other side of Reid as Lewis slid into the seat beside Garcia, “What did we walk into?”

Garcia and JJ looked at Reid knowingly as the doctor blushed, “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Alvez gave them an examining look, “I’ve literally only ever heard that high screech when walking past the girl’s locker room. And Reid looks like a tomato. Something’s going on here.”

JJ replied, “We’re talking about a hottie. Nothing to get into. We’ve got a case to focus on.”

Lewis added, “We had a case to focus on five minutes ago too. I want to know who this hottie is.”

Alvez got his phone out, “What’s their Instagram handle? We’re FBI, right? Gotta check ‘em out.”

Garcia and Reid started to laugh as JJ started, “Well--”

At that moment, Hotch and Prentiss walked into the briefing room. As Prentiss took a seat, Hotch took his chair at the head of the table, “Alright. Let’s begin.”

 

\------------

 

Reid sank into the starchy hotel sheets fifteen hours later, the gauze at his arm from a slight stab wound shifting under the covers as he settled in. He was glad to have the case over with so quickly. He just wanted to rest and get back home to Morgan and Hank. He got a snap of the baby wearing a little hat with flaps that cover his ears and a chicken head on top of it during the case with the message “Good luck, chicken butt” underneath it. Super cute. 

The doctor pulled out his phone and flipped through the news apps on his phone and updated himself about the current events of the day. Then, he checked out that new article by Ivana Viktorinova about the epithelial rotation preceded by planar symmetry breaking of actomyosin and protected by epithelial tissue from cell deformations that  _ finally  _ got published. He’d been following her work on geneticism and when he got the PLOS (Public Library of Science) notification that she’d uploaded another research journal, he lowkey freaked. He finally had time to read it. And, he did. It was so damn good. Reid scrolled through it, learning that Drosophila egg chambers can rotate in two possible directions -- either clockwise or anti-clockwise relative to their AP axis, opening up possibilities for testing the planar symmetry breaking of Myo-II prior to the onset of epithelial rotation during rotation initiation. Blew his entire fucking mind.

Once he finished the article, he dropped his phone in his lap and grinned. That was a damn good essay. He’s going to get this to Aleksandor, one of his old research partners from MIT in this. They share articles like this all the time, and he’s totally going to dig it. Maybe he should send it on Snapchat. He’s trying to get more savvy with the app, so using it more often can only increase his understanding of it. 

After sending the link to Aleksandor, Reid flipped through the app. He realized that there were news articles on the bottom of this app too! Wow, how cool is -- oh. This is not news. They’re articles alright, but they’re not news. “Iggy Azalea’s New Curves”, “15 People Who Sent Their Parents Embarrassing Pics”, “10 Second Talents: They Can Do What??”. It’s clickbait. Reid scrolled back up at the top. He saw something about current events down there, but he’d already read it in the New Yorker last week. He’ll stick with his current news sources. Oh! Snapchat stories. Those are cute. He likes those. 

He followed some of his college acquaintances from Facebook and a couple members of the team. He checked out their snaps. JJ had gone paintballing with her son and husband the night before. Rossi was still in Calabasas with his lady, and shared a picture of their twin wine glasses as they sat together on lawn chairs overlooking a vineyard. Prentiss shared some pictures of her cat Sergio with a fake moustache on and set him up in front of a newspaper. That was hilarious. Lewis and her fiance played a scary video game last night, and caught a clip of him screaming as a monster surprised him by popping up on the screen. 

Morgan had uploaded some pictures too. But, Reid wasn’t going to look at them. He wasn’t. Because he’s strong.

In the little bubble beside his screen name @daddyDmorgz, Reid saw an image that that intrigued him. He recently discovered that the last snap someone adds to their story is the one that ends up in the little bubble. This particular bubble was blurry, but it seemed to be a picture of him making a workout smoothie. Reid could see the lion inked into his shoulder in it.  _ Mmm, Morgan’s tattoos,  _ Reid thought to himself. He’s not as strong as he thinks he is. 

Reid clicked.

It started Morgan’s story from the beginning. Last night Reid and he made more paintings with Hank and then had a dance party with him. There are pictures of their art, and a short video of Hank dancing to Larry Gibb. Reid stifled a chuckle. Hank started laughing as Reid held his hands up, stomping his little socked feet and hopping. Reid smiled as he watched it. Next was a clip that Reid didn’t even notice him taking, which was at dinner. Reid made tomato mozzarella salad with balsamic and baked bbq chicken breasts and sauteed garlic spinach. Of course, Morgan posted a picture of his plate and said “Nice Breasts ;)”. After he shared a picture of his baby sleeping in the crib and wrote “my everything”. 

Next up was a video. Oh. He set up the camera as he lifted some weights in his room. Reid’s jaw dropped and he peered closer at the phone. He reveled in the fact that he could finally watch Morgan work out without having to pretend that it wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever seen. He was wearing one of those tank top undershirts and he was sitting, curling forty pounds.The sweat was glistening off of his tattoed muscles and his legs looked so strong there planted on either side of the chair and he had a slight bulge in his sweatpants. Morgan gritted his teeth and lifted and lifted and lifted, brow moist with exhertion. And, Reid? Reid was sweating almost as much as Morgan was. The older man was grunting and his biceps were bulging and he was biting his lip and sighing. Then, he switched sides. Reid stared at the screen, feeling like complete abject shit when he started getting into it. Reid replayed the video four times, reaching down to palm himself a bit to relieve the pressure he felt building up as he watched Morgan work out with uninhibited wanton lust.

He chastised himself eventually, considering five times to be psychotic, but afterword was a sweaty selfie Morgan took as he was biting off the velcro on the glove he used to grip the dumbbells. His undershirt was soaked. His eyes were catlike and flirtatious. Half of his face was hidden by his arm, but it felt as though Morgan was looking directly at Reid and all the while he was loose and pumped, but energized and satisfied, yet predatory and sexy. Morgan was positively dripping with testosterone and Reid stared at the picture harder, drinking it all in, feeling a deep heat kindle at the base of his stomach and ignite every bit of his nuclear being. If Morgan actually looked at Reid like this in real life, he’d probably never look away. He’d stand still forever and just die there, rooted right at that spot. 

And, that’s when the picture switched. 

Wait! No, no. Go back.

Reid tapped on the left side of the new video, which was the one of him making a smoothie from the bubble. And, there it was again. The glorious picture. Sweaty Morgan. Hot, delicious, fresh out of a workout Morgan. Biting his glove like he was going to rip it off. Oh, God, he could rip it off. He could rip it all off. Reid’s chest heaved as he gazed ravenously at the picture. 

It switched again. 

Dammit! No. How does he get it to stop switching?

Ooh, wait. Reid has an idea. He tapped back to the picture and took a screenshot, saving the picture onto his phone. Yes. Now, this picture is his forever. And he can stare at it as long as he wants. Reid let out a smug smile as he clicked away from the app and into his camera roll. He’s a fucking genius. He’s so damn smart. Oh, yeah. This picture is going to save his life. For all of those moments when he is struggling, craving, crushing… he can go back to this picture. And, it will be like manna to his soul, feeding and sustaining it through the harsh winters of unrequited love. 

Reid found the saved photo and sighed in relief, finally able to look at it again. As he looked, he couldn’t help his imagination. And, you know what? He didn’t feel bad about it. This was going to be the first time in forever that he didn’t feel bad about it. Because this picture is his now. Morgan posted it, so it’s there for all the public to see, which doesn’t make it creepy if he looks at it, because Morgan gave it to everybody. Not just him. And, if Reid happens to make pretend that this is the look Morgan would give before pulling Reid in and taking him on the hardwood floor, well, that’s just coincidence. Because it is. Just coincidence. No one will know he did this. Because this is his and his alone.

He stared into those fox eyes from Morgan’s saucy glance, and Reid’s eyes fell to his mouth. Gosh, what Reid would do to that mouth. Reid felt his eyes roll back as he imagined it. He can already feel the stubble burn from Morgan’s beard on his thighs.

Reid glanced at the hotel room door, making sure it was closed and locked. It was. Reid let out a long breath. He was about to do something extremely embarrassing and wanted to make 100% sure that no one was able to walk in and see it. Reid let out one more long breath. He turned out the bedside lamp. Reid tapped his thumb against the top of his phone nervously. 

It was always weird doing this in unfamiliar places. Especially in a bed so many other people have slept in before. But, it’s cool. It’s cool. This is natural a-and normal. And, people do it all the time! It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Well, honestly, there is because… but, it’s not that bad because at least he’s not actually… oh, jeez.

He pulled the covers over his head just in case. In case of what, Reid has no idea, but you know. Just in case. 

Yes, okay?! Yes. He’s about to let loose on himself, but he does this all the time. Everybody does. It’s no big deal, and usually he doesn’t think much of it, but this time, he’s deliberately going to do it to a picture of a married man which is all kinds of wrong, so this is worse. The last time he jerked it to a married person, it was Anna Nicole, and that was different because she did porn, so a bunch of other people were jerking it to her anyway, which made him one of thousands and made it not matter that much. But, this right here puts Reid on a much shorter list.

Fuck.

This is creepy, isn’t it? 

Oh, God, this is creepy. 

Reid’s a creep. 

He should stop.

He’s going to stop.

He’s definitely going to stop. Right now.

Reid held his phone close to him and clicked the home button, typing in his passcode and turning it on so that he could delete the picture to keep wild instances like this from happening again. But, of course to delete the picture, he must confront it. And, wow. What a picture it was. Reid couldn’t stop looking at it. Morgan’s sweaty pecs were bulging out of his undershirt and he could see the definition in the abs he confessed to Reid he was starting to lose core strength in. And there were veins in his arms and lust in his eyes and something so rough and masculine in the way he was looking at the camera. Reid’s breathing grew labored. And those sweatpants. Reid knows for damn sure that there’s nothing under those sweatpants. He knows the way it looks when Morgan’s going commando. He’s seen that dick print before. And, hot damn. It’s… it’s really... I mean, it’s…  _ substantial _ . More than enough to… fill and push and stretch and satisfy his every desire from… any position… especially...

Reid was getting aroused. He set the phone screen down on his chest and sighed wistfully. He should talk himself out of this. But… Reid reached down his chest, past his belly and hooked his flannels down. 

He’s a monster. 

He’s a terrible person. 

This is a bad thing he’s doing. 

A very bad thing.

He’s not going to do it. 

He’s not going to reach over the bed to grab the lube out from where he hides it in a pair of rolled up socks. He’s not going to grip himself in his wet hand and run the other up his chest to pretend he’s feeling his married best friend’s lips on his body. He’s not going to let his hand dip down, spreading his leg out just far enough to reach that spot he shouldn’t touch. He’s not going to -- Reid bit his own lips so hard that it hurt almost as much as the stretch he was barely prepared for -- he’s not going to picture Morgan passionately licking his -- Reid panted hard -- he’s not going to picture Morgan stroking hard on his -- Reid stifled a moan -- he’s not going to picture Morgan watching him lewdly as he grinds against his -- Reid tilted his head back -- he’s not going to imagine Morgan giving him that look that he gave in the picture, ripping off his glove, dragging Reid’s body to the edge of the bed, and dropping to his knees. He’s not going to feel Morgan’s hands on his skin, sliding off the rest of his clothes. He’s not going to feel that push inwards and wish there were lips at his ear and fingers in his hair. He’s not going to pretend that the bed was shaking, bumping against the wall with the power of imaginary thrusts. He’s not going to hit that spot wishing that it wasn’t his own fingers, wishing that it was something else. Something that wasn’t his. Something harder. Something that was pushing, stretching, pulling, fucking him rougher than-- 

His phone started vibrating loudly against his chest. Reid panicked, feeling his heart lurch out of his chest as it beat frantically as he was firmly yanked from his moment of complete and utter bliss and replaced it with outright panic. He grabbed up the phone with his free hand and stared at the caller ID, sweating like a pig, his Adam’s apple feeling huge as he swallowed around it. 

Morgan was calling. Him. Fuck. What if he somehow knew that Reid was knuckle deep inside himself while looking at a picture of him, or more likely… what if it’s an emergency? The phone continued to buzz. Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He can’t answer the phone like this.

Reid swiped right before he could talk himself out of it, trying to make his voice sound even while his fingers were locked inside of him, lest he pulls his slicked up hand out too loudly and Morgan  _ hears  _ something, “H-hello?”

“Yeah. Hey, kid.” Morgan answered with something teasing about his voice. Reid almost moaned out loud, as he held it inside, his back twitched, pushing his fingers deeper inside of himself by mistake. They brushed against his sweet spot and his back spazmed a bit, pushing him deeper still as he panted out his reply. “What’s up?”

Morgan asked quickly, voice softening with worry, “You sound weird. Are you alright?”

Reid breathed, “Yeah. Just… uh. The elevator is broken, so I took the steps to the third floor to get to my room, so… ah, yeah. Just a little out of shape.”

“Oh, good.” Morgan replied with relief heavy in his voice, changing his tone back to teasing so smoothly that Reid could hear the smirk in his voice, “Well, I just wanted to call to personally make sure you enjoy that picture.”

Reid’s entire life screeched to a pause, eyes bursting wide and heart pounding as he asked Morgan, “Wh-what do you mean?”

Morgan continued in that sly, knowing tone, “The Snapchat picture from my story that you screenshotted.”

Reid felt like he was going to die and have a heart attack right here. How the fuck did he know about that photo? How does he know Reid saved it? Not to mention, he’s calling to rub it in his face. Oh, my God. He  _ knows _ . He  _ knows  _ everything. He knows Reid is infatuated with him. He knows Reid took the picture. He knows Reid’s touching himself  _ right now _ . But, how? Morgan’s a profiler, but Reid’s one too and he’s not that transparent, right? He covers his tracks well. Where did he fuck up? Reid still tried to play it cool, “Wh… what? Picture?”

Morgan added slyly, his voice dripping with honey, “I get a notification if someone screenshots one of my Snapchats. You know about that feature, right?”

Reid gulped, “I… uh. I did not.”

Morgan replied as if his voice could kiss, nibble, and bite Reid’s neck from three states over, “So… why’d you do it?”

Reid’s mind was drawing a complete blank. He couldn’t come up with a good lie if he wanted to. And, he DESPERATELY wanted to. Dammit, Morgan had absolutely no right to use that voice on him right now. It’s too fucking  _ good _ . Reid said softly as he panicked, “I don’t have an answer.”

Morgan stated with assuredness, “I think I know why. You try to keep it on the low, don’t you? And, I get it. It’s not easy to talk about, especially given our history. And, hey, you got your pride. But, I know. You’re terrible at hiding it.”

“H--hiding what?” Reid quivered, fingers still inside of him, the shake of his heightened nerves and overactive sweat glands causing him to press his sweet spot once more.

“That you want me…” Morgan let out a long pause, causing Reid to nearly break down from the embarrassment. This is the worst moment in his life. Morgan’s about to shut him down so hard. He’s going to yell at him and call him names and tell him he never wants to see him again. He’s going to tell him he can’t come over to visit anymore and scrub his name off of Hank’s birth certificate and, “...to train you.”

What?

Reid paused, making a strong expression of confusion at Morgan’s response. Where the hell did he get that idea. Train him? Oh, hell no. Reid doesn’t want Morgan to train him. He wants Morgan to  _ run a train _ on him. Big difference. The biggest difference. Reid sighed soundlessly, eyes closing in relief. Morgan was so wrong. And, Reid couldn’t be happier. Reid answered, “Ah, darn. You, uh, you figured it out. How did you know?”

Morgan said with a grin Reid could practically hear, “You just finished a case and you could barely make it up three flights of stairs. And, you open Snapchat and see me lifting half of your body weight like it’s nothing, and… you wanted that too. Man, it’s totally understandable. I got you. When you get back, we’re taking the stroller out and we’re going for a run, my friend.”

Reid choked out, “A run?”

Morgan laughed in glee, “A run! Oh, Spencer. I’m so happy for you, man. We’re gonna get your ass in shape. I’m gonna keep making you breakfast and I want to see your tiny ass at that stove before dinner every night, because honestly, you need more home cooked meals in your life. No more of those chili cheese fries before bed. Fuck no. You’re going to be on a high carb, high protein diet from here on out. And, the food will be  _ good _ , okay? So tasty. You’re going to love it. It’s not just healthy eating, okay? It’s fuel. For a better, more active life. God, kid, I’m so proud of you. You’re not gonna regret this. I swear.”

“Thanks, man. I… can’t wait.” Reid sighed. Well. Looks like he’s gotta stick with this lie. I mean, either work out a couple of times and then quit, or come clean about masturbating to Morgan’s sweaty selfie while on the phone with him, completely erect with three fingers up his ass. He’ll take exercise for 800, Alex. Reid added, “I need to get better sneakers though. And, some work out clothes. I only have one pair of shorts and I realized that day you terrorized Penelope and I that they were definitely not for running, so we might have to wait on that--”

Morgan rebutted, “Nonsense! When you come back, we’re taking Hank to the Nike outlet store and hooking you up. You need socks, tee shirts, gloves, compression pants. Ooh! You’re going to look so  _ hot  _ filling out that Under Armor. The honey dips at the track will soak through their yoga pants the second they see you. Trust me. You’ve already got a runner’s body. Or… a  _ swimmer’s  _ body!” Morgan gasped, “Maybe we should have a pool day at the Y.”

Reid asked, “Or maybe we could not do a sport that requires me to be mostly naked?”

Morgan solidified, “And hearing that said to me only confirmed how much I want to do a pool day. Let’s do a pool day. Next week. Sunday, at nine.”

Reid complained, “Nine? In the morning? On my day off?”

Morgan cackled, “Fine, nine thirty, you lazy little snoozer.”

Reid replied, “Well… I guess... what I want to say... is… thank you.”

Morgan grinned, “You are so fucking welcome!”

Reid saluted, “Well, I guess I’ll meet you at the Nike store tomorrow.”

“I. Guess. You. Will.” Morgan said mirthfully, “I can’t wait, man. I cannot wait. I am so excited for you. This is going to be an amazing lifestyle change, and you won’t regret it. I’ll see you at three. It’s gonna be lit. What’s your shoe size again?”

Reid sighed, “Twelve.”

Morgan exclaimed, “Good. I’ll look online and send you some pictures. Yes! I’ll see you later, Pretty Boy. Or, should I call you, Fit Boy?”

Reid complained, “I hate that.”

Morgan chuckled, “Me too. I don’t know why I tried to change nickname perfection. No matter how swole you get, you’ll always be pretty. It’s that cute little face. It transcends time, space, and weight gain. Now, get ready to get that tight ass in gear. Get some sleep and rest up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Reid smiled, “I bet it’s gonna be something.”

Morgan said quickly, “Alright, kiddo. Keep it real!”

He replied, “Bye, Derek.” and hung up the phone. Reid stared at it for a minute wondering how the hell he got away with whatever just happened. He’s so relieved, he could do anything. Literally anything. And feel great about it.

Reid dropped the phone and rested his head back on the pillow, shoving his fingers in deeper as a “trainer Morgan” fantasy started budding in the back of his mind.  _ Mmm, yeah _ . Morgan wearing nothing but basketball shorts and sneakers, his bulge pressing into Reid’s face as he shows him how to stretch. Speaking of stretch, Reid tossed his head to the side against the pillow, grinning and biting his lip as he imagined Morgan pulling his hair and spanking him on a workout bench. This misunderstanding is bringing up a kink Reid didn’t even know he had.

\---  
  


Reid waited on a bench outside of the Nike store in the mall for about ten minutes. Morgan was late. Reid didn’t mind. After being his friend for over thirteen years, he knew Morgan would be. Plus, having an infant baby can really put a damper on your timeliness. So, Reid had brought a book. An old play called Uncle Vanya by Chekhov. It was tragic, much like Reid’s life. But in a very clear way it was so much worse, making him feel better about himself. 

He flipped the pages lazily as the crowded mall passed him by. Teenage girls squealing and linking arms. Young adults toting their computer bags and complaining about their classes. Old people dressed in work out clothes, getting their walk around the place. Toddlers and their parents on the carousel, trading their coins for a look of wonder on their baby’s faces. Reid smiled at that. He can’t wait until Hank is old enough to ride one of those. His soft baby hair will be grown out by then, long and curly, but also tapered if Morgan has anything to say about it. He’d probably dress like a little Morgan as well. Tee shirts and jeans and basketball sneakers. Oh, God. That would be so adorable. Reid could barely hold back his smile. He knows he’d beg for a chance to take Hank on one of the horses, watching the future one-year-old laugh and wave his hands at his father as they passed him by. Then, Hank would look up into Reid’s face with his perfect little eyes and smile. And, Reid would want to sign co-guardianship papers as fast as humanly possible, which would be another thick nail in his coffin. 

Speaking of Hank, Reid heard his little laugh before he heard Morgan. Reid turned from the book and glanced down the long hallway to see Morgan jogging up the ramp with Hank in tow. The baby was in a stroller, a big green woolen cap on his head, matching mittens stretched out to Reid, and a comfortable looking grey onsie that says “Grandma Loves Me” on the front. Reid chuckled at that and Morgan’s harried expression, raising his hand to wave at his friend, “Hey, Derek. Hank. Nice of you two to join me.”

Morgan reached Reid with an exhausted smile on his face, pointing down at Hank, “He hates these gloves, but it’s too cold for him to go without them. Then, he kept pitching them across the room, so I got some yarn out and fixed them so that I could tie them on and then he started crying and then he wanted some milk and I’m twenty minutes late and I’m so sorry.”

Reid took a look at his watch, “Nope. You’re only ten minutes.”

Morgan started to grin, “Oh, yeah! I told you to be here ten minutes later than I wanted to be here so that I wouldn’t be late. Oh, thank God. Whew.”

Reid smirked, “Well you’re still ten minutes late, so--”

“Barely! That’s barely late. I’m practically on time.” Morgan said as he let out a big breath, glancing at the Nike store, “So, change of plans. We’re not going in there. Not just yet. I walked past a baby supply store on the first floor, and they’re having a sale for parents with babies 12-28 weeks, so…” Morgan dug around in his pocket for a second and produced a gold ring, “Put this on, and we’re getting some discounts on formula and toys and clothes and blankets and diapers. Oh, shit, do we need diapers. We’re so low on 4-month diapers. I got like a box left. It’s a ticking time bomb.”

Reid took the ring and inspected it, “Uh… what?”

Morgan patted Reid’s cheek, “Slip that on your left ring finger and play a game for a half hour so we can get Hank some stuff for 60% off, do I need to keep going? Come on.”

Before Reid could answer, Morgan started walking off in the opposite direction with the baby. Reid snatched up his book, shoved it into his satchel and scurried after them. His sneakers squeaked on the linoleum as he hurried, “Are you seriously asking me to pretend to be your husband?”

Morgan shrugged, “Yeah, thought that was clear.”

Reid blinked, “Derek, I can’t do that. You’re married to someone else.”

Morgan added as they walked, “I know. But, I popped in on my way up the stairs and an associate told me about the sale, and saw a ring on my finger, so she told me that if I brought my wife around, we’d get a bigger family discount for shopping together -- which ends today.”

Reid pressed his fingers into his temples, “Do I look like your wife to you?”

Morgan replied, “Yeah, no shit, Spence. I'm not an idiot. I told her I was gay.”

Reid exclaimed, “Derek!”

Morgan added, “Hey, hey, hey! _ You  _ were upstairs.  _ My wife _ is napping across town. So, either wake her up and risk starting an Apocalypse by asking her to give up her hard earned sleep for a trip to the mall, or give you one of my extra wedding rings and turn this into a fun, interactive improv show that just happens to save me money on stuff I need.”

Reid groaned, “Derek.”

Morgan pouted, “Come on, Spencer. I need the discount. I’m  _ jobless _ .”

Reid corrected, “No, you’re retired from a government position. You still get full benefits for life and pension.”

Morgan complained, “Which is half of my check. I need it for little Hankie. Look at his poor, sweet face. Do you want him to have to sit in those scratchy organic cloths that we’ll have to hand wash in the sink after he takes shits in them?”

Reid made a face, “You can afford to get the diapers you need at the price they’re sold for.”

Morgan pouted, “ _ And _ , save for my precious, innocent, beautiful son’s college education?”

Reid glared at him, “Hey, now. Don’t play the college card. He’s four months old.”

“Which is five years too late, Spence.” Morgan stopped walking and took Reid’s hand, parking the stroller, “All I ask is that you do me one solid. It won’t be long. All you have to do is hold my hand for a little bit and pretend it’s not gross.”

Reid tapped his foot in complaint and asked, “...oh, really? Is that all I have to do? What if someone asks us how long we’ve been together?”

Morgan answered, “I’ll do the talking.”

Reid glared at him.

Morgan replied easily, “Seven years.”

Reid asked, “When did we get married?”

Morgan responded, “Last May. In Sag Harbor. It was beautiful. You cried.”

Reid rolled his eyes, “And, so… what about the baby? Hank is adopted?”

Morgan winked, “Nope. We had an energetic threesome on our honeymoon in Amsterdam, and nine months later, we had a son. Booyah!”

“Okay, Derek. That’s just too convoluted -- even for us." Reid blinked, "This is a _discount_. You can't seriously expect me to conform to a three layer backstory for sixty percent off of something! If you need it that bad, I'll pony up the extra."

Morgan shook his head widely "Come on, dude. That would defeat the purpose. I have three hundred dollars in my budget for everything I need for Hank. There's no way what I need is going to fit that. And, there's no way I'd ask you."

Reid groaned, "I'm offering."

Morgan replied, "Then, there's no way I'd take it. Spencer. Come on. Please?"

Reid glared at Morgan, brown eyes slipping into little slits as he shook his head slowly, "They’d have to be completely dim to believe that a totally normal gay couple from DC knocked up a strange woman in Europe and kept the baby with no question---”

"Yes!" Morgan slipped the ring onto Reid’s appropriate finger, “Boop. We’re married now. Now, please don't fuck up in there. We'd end up banned from the place and it's so close to my house."

Reid asked, "How?  Wait, why do you have an extra ring? I never said 'yes' to this!”

Morgan scoffed, holding up his own left hand, “Because I’ve lost this like four times and I’m too hot to be walking around without one. I’m not an idiot, okay? Savi would fucking choke me. In the not-sexy way. And, Spencer. Come on. Please? It's already on your finger. You might as well...”

Reid let out a long, calculating breath.

Morgan gave back a pleading look.

Reid tapped his foot and cast his eyes to the floor.

Morgan caught his eye and pouted.

Reid glared at him. Hard.

Morgan turned the stroller around so that Reid could see Hank’s face too, kneeling beside the stroller so that they were both looking at him.

Reid grumbled and winced, “I fucking hate you.”

Morgan jumped and shook Reid’s shoulder, “Yes! You’re the best!”

Tugging Reid by the hand, Morgan skipped through the mall. Hank giggled in his stroller at the speed they walked in, waving his little gloved hands around with his binky lolling out from there it was clipped to his hat. 

As they strolled by the mall, they got weird looks by some of the passersby. Reid would be the first to admit, they probably don’t look like they belong together. A spindly, young, professorial type white guy and a man that literally looked like the African prince of a golden kingdom walking hand in hand with wedding rings and a baby had to stick out like a sore thumb in this suburban mall, but Morgan didn’t care in the slightest. They looked the way they looked, and Morgan didn’t seem to even notice their differences. 

The two picked up a brisk pace with the stroller and Morgan added, “Okay, so my name is Darius and your name is Samuel Gregory Brucksmith."

Reid replied, "I'm calling you by your name."

Morgan continued, "We live in that cute part of DC because you teach Calculus at Howard, which is how we met."

Reid sighed, "Derek, come on. This is too much."

Morgan stopped walking, grabbing Reid's hand and staring off comically into the big Sears sign across from them, "The year was 2008. I taught English Comp and there was a staff Christmas party where we got totally wasted, made out in your office, and then I asked you out and you were like, ‘Whaaaat, no way,’ but you were 100% into it and met me at this fancy-ass restaurant and I wooed you immediately. You proposed to me early, within a year, which is like duh.  Because I’m amazing and a total catch and you wanted to lock me down as soon as possible, but gay marriage wasn’t legal yet. Aww boo. So, we waited until it was, but then something happened and I fucked up along the way and we broke our engagement. You know? To build realistic drama. And, we separated for like six months, but I saw you again at a coffee shop by your place and we got back together and like a year later we started planning our wedding, which took two years because of how busy we were with our jobs and stuff. Fast forward to last May. We hightail it to Sag Harbor. Said our nups. You cried like a baby. We went to Amsterdam for a month, got crossfaded as fuck, met this hot lady at a club who wanted us both. A few weeks later, we get a call from her, saying she’s pregnant. We decide immediately to keep the baby. We fly the lady out to us a few months before the birth so that we can be there for it. The lady wants to be free in her own country, we totally understand, the baby is ours, we move into our place and here we are. At a mall. Ready for a discount.”

Reid blinked, “You’re a crazy person.”

“No shit.” Morgan added as they headed to the elevator, “Oh, yeah. Do you mind being compared to inanimate objects?”

Reid cocked his head to the side, “Wh-what? Why?”

Morgan replied, “I’ve decided I want to call you my ‘Porcelain Papi’. And, it won’t be fun if you do.”

“You know what? I’m going to stop asking questions.” Reid pressed the down button on the elevator and in doing so, noticed the ring on his finger. It was gold and comfortable, a little tight, but manageable. Huh. This is what his hand looks like with a wedding ring on it. Pretty dank. He likes it. Not to mention it’s Morgan’s ring--ah, wait. Let’s not get into that right now. Actually… you know what? Let’s. Because they’re going to be playing a role, and it has to be believable right? This is the one chance Reid gets to act like he’s Morgan’s husband and Hank’s father. Might as well do the best he can. You know. For the discount. Reid added, “Look, if you're going to give me so much material to work with, I'm going to have to warn you that I’m an amazing actor, and I don’t think you’re ready for my Oscar worthy performance.”

Morgan started to laugh, “I am so ready to see this, you have no idea.”

Reid pressed his fingertips to the base of his neck, clearing his throat as he tried in different registers, “Honey? Honey. Hon.  _ Honey _ .  Darling. Sweetheart.”

Morgan grinned, nudging him, “I like sweetheart.”

"This is so dumb. What did I agree to?" Reid chuckled as the elevator doors opened. They pushed back the stroller for a bit as a group of teenagers spilled out, gasping when they saw the baby, kneeling down and making cute little voices. They could not stop cooing and awing over how adorable Hank was, and Morgan and Reid looked at each other with pride. One younger girl, couldn’t be more than sixteen years old, asked, “How old is he?”

Morgan beamed, “Four months. He’s a big boy now, so he’s picking up the tab on this shopping spree.”

The group of kids laughed at the jibe and Morgan pulled Reid in by his waist, fingers gently resting on the cut of his tweed jacket as he grinned, “See, babe. Told you that joke was funny.”

Reid pressed his hand against Morgan’s chest reflexively, blushing a bit at the hard pectoral muscle underneath, “Yeah, it was funny how bad it was.”

Morgan winked, “You know you loved it.”

Reid chuckled and looked away as he blushed, pushing Morgan's shoulder.

The kids waved goodbye to the baby as Morgan and Reid pushed the stroller into the elevator and Reid bent down to wave Hank’s hand back at the kids. They laughed and jumped, bidding adieu to the infant as the elevator doors closed. Morgan pressed the button to the first floor and nodded widely, “That was amazing. We just have to do that six more times.”

Reid opened his arms out wide as the elevator started to go down, “I told you. Acting is my calling.”

Morgan rolled his eyes, “You said one sentence, okay? Don’t break an arm jerking yourself off over there. We’re about to enter the big leagues. Baby stores come with questions. Lots of them. And we’re a same sex couple, so we’re going to get like ten times more of them than everyone else. Are you prepared to walk into the line of fire?”

“I was born ready, partner.” Reid straightened his tie and glared at the closed elevator door, breaking character to chuckle, “See? Get it? Partner? Because we’re gay.”

Morgan made a face of fake realization, widening his eyes at Reid in wonder, “Mmm. Whoa.”

Reid pushed Morgan’s arm, “Okay, hey! You’re not the only one who can tell dad jokes here. I’m a father now too.”

They walked out of the elevator in agreement that they’d be in character until they went back up to the third floor, just to be safe. It wasn’t hard for Reid to don the persona of a married mathematics professor who was head over heels in love with his best friend and their baby. To be honest, it was almost too easy to pretend that his life was this simple, that he could be this fortunate. To have never seen so much death and violence and pain, to have his brain celebrated by earning himself tenure, to meet the man of his dreams in the best of circumstances and have the ability to fall in love with him immediately and marry him and have such a beautiful child.

As they walked toward the store, he felt Morgan slip his hand into his as he steered the stroller with one hand. Reid bent down to tuck the binky into Hank’s mouth, lest he get too rowdy. He’d proven to be a people person, much like his father. The little boy wasn’t the least bit overwhelmed by the amount of new people surrounding him. To be honest, it looked as though he quite liked it. He did stare a lot though. There was a younger girl about seven-years-old or so that Hank immediately fixated on, looking directly at her. She tried to look away, but every time she glanced back to see if Hank was still looking at her, he was. Hank stared with abandon, drinking in her face with a strange sort of focus that Reid had never seen him do before. The little girl hid her face in her mother’s dress and ran to the other side of her to escape his look.

Morgan sighed, quickly growing embarrassed of the little boy, waving his hands in front of Hank’s face to distract him from the scared little girl, “Come on, dude. Stop it. You’re freaking everybody out. I get that you’re a ladies man, but damn.”

Reid tugged Morgan’s arm, whispering to him, “He’s not doing it on purpose. Babies his age haven't experienced perceptual narrowing yet, so when he feels comfortable, he just picks one and tries to memorize the new face in his life. He doesn’t yet speak English or understand the concept of strangers or how to act around people who aren’t family yet, so just in case he sees her again, he wants to be able to identify her as someone he knows. She just had the easiest face for him to process due to her high facial symmetry.”

Morgan nodded, leaning into Reid, “Thanks. I feel so much better. I thought we had ourselves a little Dahmer here for a bit.”

Reid began to laugh, “No, it’s normal. You probably did it a lot too. I know I did. My mom told me that I was at my scariest in grocery stores and in line at the bank.”

Morgan chuckled, “Ugh, I bet you were cute though. Ooh! There’s the sale. Come on, come on.”

Reid let Morgan tug him along through the isles. The shelves were packed with new shipments of items, and once they made it to the 0-8, 9-12, 13-16, 17-20, and 21-24 week isles, Morgan looked up at them with a big grin on his face, “This is it. The motherload.”

“Okay, so we’re taking over the second last isle. You want to head for diapers and send me to toys, or do you want to switch?” Reid asked.

Morgan shook his head, pulling Reid’s hand closer, saying under his breath, “Ah, ah, ah. This isn’t about maximizing our time and getting out of here as soon as possible, this is about us as a married couple picking out things for our child to help his lifestyle and brain development at a point in his life that we’ll never get back. Okay? This is serious and we both need to be involved in all of it.”

Reid asked, “But, didn’t you do most of the baby shopping when Savannah was pregnant?”

Morgan quieted, “Well, yeah, but I’m married to  _ you  _ now, and you wouldn’t put me through that alone for my first baby. Right?”

Reid gave Morgan a long stare at that, not realizing the weight of that statement until he processed it. Did he actually ask Savannah for help shopping for the baby? Did she make him do it all by himself? Holy shit. Morgan must have been a mess. He’d have no idea what he needed. Reid can see him now, pacing through a baby store, harried and confused, asking every single person working there for advice. Shit. Now, Reid wishes he’d made this idea to help Morgan out sooner. He didn’t even realize that preparing for the baby to arrive would be half the battle, then again, he figured Morgan had more help.

Clasping his hand tightly in Morgan’s, Reid puffed his chest out, “We’re going to need a cart. I’ll get it and meet you back here in two minutes. Pick out three diaper options while I’m gone, and we’ll figure out the ones we want together.”

Morgan let out a soft smile, “Thanks, Porcelain Papi.”

Reid smacked Morgan’s shoulder boyishly, “You bet your ass, sweetheart.”

Morgan grinned widely as Reid started to walk away, whistling as he looked down at Reid’s butt in his work pants, “Speaking of ass…”

Reid reached behind him and smacked his own butt as he cleared the isle, laughing to himself as Morgan whooped out a loud, “Aww yeah!”

As Reid cleared his way through the isles, heading to the front of the store for carts, he found himself confronted by a saleslady. Wonderful. Time to put his acting chops to work. She was a bubbly young twenty something with long dark hair and a white dress with a peter pan collar. Reid trusts her. She introduced herself, “Hi! My name is Amy. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“Yes. My husband and I are here with out 18-week-old, and we want to make sure we’re getting the best deal.” Reid said (almost) truthfully, “When we got him, we had a bunch of diapers for 0-12 weeks, but our son is growing fast and the ones we have that fit him are running out, and they can get so expensive.”

Amy let out a big smile, “Say no more. I got you. Turns out, we’re having a sale on products geared for weeks 12-24.”

Reid smirked, “Well. You don’t say.”

 

\---

 

By the time Reid and Amy made their way back to the isle, Morgan was holding a fussy Hank in his arms, bouncing him a little bit with a burping cloth over his shoulder. Morgan glanced over at Reid, “Oh, hon, thank God. I was going to send out a search party.”

Reid replied with confusion, “I was gone for like two minutes.”

Morgan’s face twisted up as he comforted Hank, “I know, but Hank saw another baby that was crying as it passed our isle, so he started crying too and then he started spitting up. I think he wants you.”

Reid held his hands out for Hank as he approached, “Alright. Hey, it’s okay, pal. Come here. Dada’s gotcha.”

Morgan paused for a bit when Reid referred to himself as “Dada”, letting out a bright smile as he passed the baby to Reid. He kissed Reid’s cheek as he settled Hank in his arms, and Reid blushed as he held the baby, holding his neck out so that Morgan could place the burping cloth on his shoulder. Reid added, “This is Amy. I met her at the front of the store. She says there’s a deal going on. You mind telling her what we need?”

Reid patted Hank’s back gently, bouncing him as he spoke softly to calm him down. The baby’s cries started to fade gently, and before he knew it, Hank was dozing off on his shoulder. Good thing too, because Reid had no clue what Morgan needed to stock up on past diapers and blankets and toys and formula. If there was something else, he was clueless to it. While Morgan and Amy chatted, Reid lowered a snoozing Hank into his stroller. He covered Hank’s legs and chest with his little blanket and put his baby lion from the basket underneath the stroller in his arms. Hank curled his arms around it, snuggling close to it. Reid smiled, lowering the hood of it so that Hank’s eyes would be protected from the sharp store lights. As he ducked back up from the stroller, Morgan and Amy were on the other end of the isle. Reid gingerly took the stroller, pushing it toward his friend and the sales associate, touching Morgan’s bicep and telling him gently, “He’s taking a nap now, so voices…”

“Down.” Morgan finished with a smile, placing his large, warm hand on top of Reid’s, “Hey, Amy just told me about this carrier with dual straps that fasten instead of the velcro ones we have at home. Plus, these are adjustable, so they’ll last longer as he grows bigger. We could still go with the velcro one we have because that one’s adjustable too, but…”

Reid added, “I mean, yeah assuming he starts walking around 54 weeks. Given the fact that he seems to be following your developmental patterns, he might walk sooner, which means that we won’t need it for too long, making the one we have good enough to last if we take good care of it and tailor it a bit for his needs. Sweetheart, we have a sewing machine, and this is eighty dollars.”

Morgan pushed Reid’s shoulder a little bit, “I’m gonna need you to stop making sense, so that I can make my impulse buys.”

Reid started to smile, rubbing Morgan’s back as he asked Amy, “So, what are our best bets on blankets? Our little beanstalk is outgrowing his.”

 

\---

 

Morgan and Reid walked out of the store with everything they needed for the next few months for only $150. Minus the formula, because those suckers went for at least $110 a pop. But, given the fact that Hank’s teeth are coming in, asking Savannah to continue breastfeeding would be too much. Plus, if they can wean Hank off of breast milk, they can wean Savannah off of pumping, making everybody’s lives easier all around.

They loaded up the trunk with Hank’s stuff. Morgan was giddy and excited as he closed the back hood of the car, grinning, “We don’t have to spend any more money on Hank until he’s seven months old. This trip just changed my life. And you? Ah, you were amazing. And, ‘Dada’ was a nice touch.”

Reid chuckled as Morgan kissed his forehead, “The way you haggled, my God. I need to keep you around. Say, do you do farmer’s markets and garage sales perchance?”

“Perchance?” Reid asked.

Morgan patted Reid’s shoulder, “Per. Fucking. Chance. Ugh, I’m so tired. Let’s go home and take a nap. You get tomorrow off, right?”

“Yeah.” Reid grinned, glad that Morgan had forgotten all about his workout clothes. Thank goodness for it too, because Reid was not looking forward to that pool day.

Morgan added, “Awesome. Because we’re going to go get your sneakers at 8am.”

“No…” Reid groaned, catching Morgan’s eyes, “… I mean, yes. Yes. I can’t wait.”


End file.
